Monday, June 8, 2009

6 Lies HotJobs Wants You To Believe


Today I read an article on Yahoo! HotJobs entitled 6 Myths About Job-Hunting in a Recession.  This article is intended to bust open widely held beliefs about the job search and give hope to job seekers.  Total. Bollocks. As. Usual. 

Myth 1 - No one is hiring.  The article says that lots of companies are hiring, especially in the health care industry.  And they say that if you're an environmental engineer with 5 years of experience, you could earn over $60,ooo!  For one thing, if you don't have health care training and experience, you won't get hired.  They don't just let bums off the street into hospitals and let them run around poking people with syringes (though that sounds like a good set-up for a Rob Schneider film).  And for another, telling me that someone with experience and specialized training can get a good job doesn't do me any good.

Myth 2 - The Internet is the best place to find a job.  The article makes this assertion and then contradicts it by telling readers to use the internet to apply for a position and use the internet to find people within the company to network with.  Apparently the ability to form rational, cogent thoughts is not a prerequisite for writing articles for Yahoo.  

Myth 3 - Searching companies in hiring freezes is a waste of time.  No, it's actually a tremendous waste of time, especially if you're gunning for a lower-level position.  I spoke with an executive at a major west coast bank in the middle of a hiring freeze, and he assured me that hiring freeze literally means "we are not hiring right now."  The chances of you, the reader, being the kind of spectacular son-of-a-gun that can make millions for a company in distress are about as slim as Lindsay Lohan's chances of making it through a party without having sex in a bathroom stall.  

Myth 4 - Expect a salary cut.  Again, the chances of the readers of this article being worth tremendous amounts of money are not great.  Companies cannot cut salaries fast enough right now.  And this practice will extend to universities as well - departments that can just scrape by on 20 faculty members during the recession should not expect to gain more faculty once the recession is over.  

Myth 5 - Companies are not interested in people over 55.  This myth doesn't apply to me so I won't address it.  I will say, however, that 99%  of old people are bloody useless in front of a computer, so if that keeps them out of jobs, then so be it.   

Myth 6 - Experience and advanced degrees guarantee a job.  Ha!  I don't know if anyone actually believed this, so I wouldn't really call this a myth.  Pretty much everyone I know with an advanced degree is either unemployed or doing something really beneath them. Everyone knows the only way to guarantee employment is to be born into a dynastic family like the Bushes, or the Kennedys, or the Lohans (I've got Lindsey on the brain today!).   

3 comments:

  1. What I love is the articles saying they need more entry level engineers. Yes you can get hired as an engineer with a 3.5 gpa and multiple internship. The average engineering grad does not have these credentials. I knew many engineering grads who were lucky to have 1 job offer and several, including myself who were unemployed a year after graduation. And this was back in 2003, before the economy go really crazy.

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  2. That's so annoying. And I really thought engineers had it made.

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  3. that is the lie they tell students to keep enrollment up

    who would struggle through such a demanding major if they knew they would not have a job at graduation?

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